Q. Our two-year-old was so excited when we brought home her new baby brother, but she has now done a complete turnaround. She screams, cries and whines about everything. She only wants her mommy, wants nothing to do with daddy, won’t let him help her with anything or put her to bed anymore. She’s always been a fantastic sleeper, but now she won’t sleep in her own bed, and if she does, she is up at 3 a.m. and is in ours. How do we cope with a jealous toddler?

A turnaround in behavior of the toddler is to be expected, panelist Chad Stefanyak said: “A two-year-old mimics adults’ excitement about whatever. When the baby comes home, the toddler begins to understand what a new baby means: reduced attention on the daughter, and everything that results from that.”

“Most of mom’s time is taken up with the new baby,” panelist Denise Continenza observed, “and it is hard for the toddler to grasp that her parents can love both of them.”

It doesn’t take long for the two-year-old to become aware of what behavior gets the most attention, according to Stefanyak, who added that the toddler is emulating what the baby does. It cries a lot and gets picked up. It wakes up at 3 a.m. to get fed. “By emulating these behaviors, the two-year-old is getting the attention she wants.”

As for coping with the toddler’s bad behavior, several suggestions were offered, such as letting her become mom’s helper so that she feels involved. Panelist Kristy Bernard noted that parents tend to put a shroud around their new baby to protect it, and the toddler may be picking up on that. “So, if mom’s new routine involves giving the baby a bath, she could ask the toddler to help her with that. Make it fun.”

Panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo said there should be other times during the day that the mother could set aside as “toddler time” when the daughter becomes the center of attention. Stefanyak encouraged the father to make a “big deal” out of seeing the two-year-old when he comes home from work. Addressing the sleeping problem, panelist Mike Daniels said, “Co-sleeping in bed with parents isn’t recommended, but it happens when co-sleeping is used as a stress reliever.”

If the toddler is trying to sleep in her parents’ bed, panelist Pam Wallace suggested making another place in the parents’ room for the toddler to sleep. “When the baby goes back to his room, the toddler goes back to hers.” On the positive side, Stefanyak said, “Some of this will fix itself as the newborn falls into a routine and sleeps all night: “This, too, shall pass.”

This week’s team of parenting experts are: Pam Wallace, Program Coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist, CTS; Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, educator and former school administrator; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Kristy Bernard, Northampton County CYF program specialist and training coordinator, and Denise Continenza, extension educator, Pen State Extension.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org. The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child. The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.