Q. Whenever I get on the phone, my two boys, ages 6 and 4, misbehave. They do things they would not do any other time like climbing on chairs to reach snacks, throwing things and fighting. I have to hang up from important calls. What can you suggest?

An early suggestion was to give the boys something to play with, as well as setting boundaries.

Make sure the boys know when it is OK to interrupt the parent on the telephone, and when it is not.

Panelist Pam Wallace made a distinction about important calls, using different occasions as examples. “The mother needs to be conscious of not spending too much time on the phone.” Wallace also noted that it is difficult for four- and six-year-olds to keep entertained for a long period of time.

Panelist Mike Daniels offered several other ideas, including sitting down with the boys when the phone is not ringing. “Talk to them about the phone situation, and how you expect them to behave when you are talking. Keep it fun and playful. Help the boys plan what they could do when the parent is on the phone. For example, use a play phone, role play mom, take turns playing mommy. Next time the phone rings, see how it goes.”

“Make it a competition,” panelist Chad Stefanyak. “Tell them that mommy needs five minutes. Ask them if they are you ready when the phone rings.’ Maybe next time, ask them to see if they can keep busy for 10 minutes.” One way to add to the fun is to let them use the timer on their i-Pad to test themselves. That way they feel like they are involved in an adult activity.”

Said Daniels, “This can be presented as another ‘Big Boy’ thing that mommy would like you to learn,” Daniels said.

“There needs to be an expectation that when daddy or mommy are on the telephone, this is what you do,” said panelist Denise Continenza, adding “That requires preparation. Practice makes perfect.”

The idea of giving the boys a treat if they do well was discussed by the panel, but there was concern about providing rewards. “Not all the time,” Daniels cautioned, “but maybe every other time.”

Rewards could consist of recognition that the boys did a good job on the last phone call. Continenza suggested planning something fun to do after a phone call, like going to the park. “Something they can look forward to, but not making it conditional on their behavior and not to be expected every time.”

This week’s team of parenting experts are: Pam Wallace, Program Coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Denise Continenza, Extension Educator, Food, Families and Health, Penn State Extension; Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist, CTS, and Chad Stefanyak, School Counselor.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org. The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.