Q. My 17-year-old daughter recently shared that her close friend was sexually assaulted by a relative who is now in jail. She has never gone for counseling, is not doing well in school, is becoming withdrawn and doesn’t want to talk about it. My daughter said her friend doesn’t want anyone to know what happened. What can I do?

The first advice that was given by the panel was to contact the girl’s school. “Every school is mandated to have a student assistance team,” said panelist Chad Stefanyak. The concerned parent can call anonymously. The school can do the screening, and refer the friend to counseling.

Panelist Mike Daniels said there are a limited number of people who know about the assault, so the friend is likely to make the connection when the school contacts her. The mother needs to talk to her daughter first because her daughter might not be comfortable with contacting the school. “The daughter needs to realize that this is serious. and she needs to tell someone. Doing nothing is not an option.”

The daughter can ask her friend, “Who do you want to talk to?” Daniels suggested the daughter should say: “I care about you, and you need help. I need to tell someone.” Stefanyak added that the friend was at a vulnerable age where drugs and alcohol might come into play to take away some of the pain.

Daniels referred to the isolation as an indicator of other things going on: problems that might not be so obvious. “This won’t go away in time. It will keep resurfacing over the years.” He said it would be better to deal with it now, so that not only the symptoms are taken care of, but the friend will know where and how to get help and be comfortable with the process.

Panelist Pam Wallace said the friend needs to be assured that she is not alone, and that she can have support if she wants it. She suggested the Crime Victims Council of the Lehigh Valley (CVC) as a source for individual counseling. CVC counselors, staff and interns have received the state-required 40-hour sexual assault counselor training, in addition to their masters’ level training in social work and-or counseling psychology. The number to call is 610-437-6611.

Panelist Denise Continenza said the daughter and her friend should be assured that counselors are ethically sworn to confidentiality. “The friend needs to be assured that all efforts will be taken for her protection.”

This week’s team of parenting experts are: Pam Wallace, Program Coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Denise Continenza, Extension Educator, Food, Families and Health, Penn State Extension; Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist, CTS, and Chad Stefanyak, School Counselor.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org.

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.