Dear Jacquelyn,

I started a new job several months ago and my manager complimented me on my first big project. I knew I did a good job but I said, “You really think so?” After the words came out, I realized that I totally devalued what I accomplished. I spent hours working on the project and knew I gave it my all. How do you accept a compliment so that you don’t dismiss your abilities or worse yet, look self-promotional?

Dear Reader,

For most people, giving a compliment is much easier than graciously accepting one.

People tend to either clam up, make excuses, or redirect the conversation. If we are uncomfortable, we may opt out by devaluing our accomplishments. When you do a good job at work and are paid a compliment, resist the temptation to negate praise.

You point out this is a new job, so my guess is you are still feeling your way around and possibly suffering from impostor syndrome, which is is the feeling that you aren’t good enough and you haven’t earned the right to high accolades.

Keep in mind you were hired because the employer feels you can and will make positive contributions. You don’t want to send the message you aren’t confident in your work and you do not have the qualities they thought you did. Make it a new habit not to dismiss compliments. Try changing the way you respond to the compliments you receive. To accept a compliment with grace, you can say something simple like “Thank you. I appreciate the positive feedback.”

You might find that when you stop undervaluing yourself, you will hear the encouraging voices of others that get drowned out by the critical voice in our own mind. On the flip side, try not to sound self-promotional. With the right tone and sincere smile, they won’t hear “Why yes I am a genius. How nice of you to notice.”

Bottom line: You work hard, so why dismiss a compliment that comes your way? The best thing about learning to accept compliments is that it’ll give you the chance to see yourself as others see you, which is probably pretty amazing. When you receive a compliment, believe it. You’re receiving a well-deserved honor, a verbal pat on the back.

Respectfully Yours, Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of Jacquelyn Youst Etiquette Consulting, specializing in protocol training. She works with the National Civility Foundation. All Rights Reserved &Copy; 2017Jacquelyn Youst