Dear Jacquelyn,

I enjoy hosting holiday meals for friends and family. Weeks in advance, I plan the menu and coordinate all the details to ensure a lovely time. But every holiday I am confronted with the same question: What is the proper etiquette when you have friends over and they bring a bottle of wine? I never know what to do when I am greeted with a big smile and handed a bottle of wine. Is the wine a gift, or is the host obligated to open the wine that night? I would like to finally know what I am supposed to do.

Dear Reader,

Happy guests, happy hostess. That seems simple enough. But sometimes even the simplest thing can become complicated. This question stumps many well-meaning hosts when their guests arrive. Knowing what to do ahead of time will make everyone feel comfortable, and that’s the goal.

The quick and easy answer is that the wine is a gift to thank the host for their hospitality and should be saved for later.

The key reason a guest should not expect their bottle of wine to be served is because the host probably spent time selecting the perfect wine that compliments each course.

However, if a guest asks ahead of time, “What can I bring?” and is given the response, “A bottle of red wine,” then the wine is no longer a gift but more of a contribution to the party.

Now, if you get caught off-guard and a guest decides to bring you wine without advance-planning, handle the situation with grace. When presented with the bottle, you can say something like “Thank you for the gift. Would you mind if we saved it for a special occasion?”

If you later sense that the guest was hoping to include his or her bottle of wine with the meal, it’s best to simply open the bottle. There’s not much point in looking like a snobby host who likes to hoard their gifts of wine. Part of understanding the rules of etiquette is knowing when to break the rules. After all, we’re trying to make everyone feel welcome and happy, so an extra opened bottle probably isn’t the end of the world. At the end of the day, the best gatherings are all about hospitality and great company.

Respectfully Yours, Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of Jacquelyn Youst Etiquette Consulting, specializing in protocol training. She works with the National Civility Foundation. All Rights Reserved &Copy; 2017Jacquelyn Youst