Editor’s Note: Respectfully Yours is a column on etiquette that appears in the Focus section of Lehigh Valley Press.

Q. I am planning my wedding and I have a question about providing meals for my vendors. I feel it is not something I need to do, but my sister disagrees. I am paying a lot of money for the vendors to work that day. Why would I also be responsible for paying for a meal for them? I assumed they are there to work and not to participate in the event. There will be the usual vendors at my wedding: a photographer, videographer, DJ, and officiant. We are trying to stay within our budget and adding these additional meals is ramping up our costs. I think it’s asking too much, but my sister tells me I am wrong. Who’s right here?

Dear Reader,

A wedding is one of life’s beautiful occasions. Budgeting is not the most pleasant part of wedding planning, but is a factor you have to contend with. Keeping a cushion for unexpected costs would be wise.

For things to run smoothly on your big day, paying attention to every detail is crucial. As you are finding out, planning a wedding comes with many unexpected questions and challenges.

The good news is there are solutions to the questions that will come up. That being said, your sister is right. It is proper etiquette to provide your vendors with a meal.

The photographer, videographer, DJ, and officiant are the part of the wedding team that will be with you most of your day and should be treated with the courtesy of a meal. In addition to being courteous, providing meals can prevent a vendor from getting woozy or worse, slipping out to go buy a snack. Another important planning detail is to carefully look over your contracts; some vendor contracts will require that a meal be provided.

There are a couple exceptions to the rule. The florist and baker are normally out of the picture before the ceremony begins, they do not have to be provided a meal. If you hired a hairstylist and makeup team that will be with you for four hours or more, it would be nice to have snacks and bottled water available. I like to compare it to a hair salon; you pay for a service and still provide a tip. Think of the meal like a tip.

The goal is to ensure everyone involved is happy and comfortable, including the entourage that is making your day special.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Jacquelyn Youst is owner of Jacquelyn Youst Etiquette Consulting, specializing in protocol training. She works with the National Civility Foundation. Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net