One winter evening, I dropped in on a friend for a quick visit. A cozy fire glowed in the fireplace as my friend and her husband, clad in their flannel jammies, cuddled under a blanket on the love seat. They were watching one of their favorite TV shows together. Mugs of hot chocolate sat on their laps. After some conversation about the weather and our kids, I couldn’t help but comment on the way they were spending the evening.

“Do you do this every night?” I asked kind of incredulously.

“Yeah, don’t you?” they both replied, with looks that staggered between shock and confusion.

“Not really,” I said, before going on to explain that my husband likes to watch ESPN and other sports, while I prefer to read or putter around in the kitchen. We are usually not in the same room for any length of time.

“Wow” was the only thing they could say to that.

I went home and told my husband how I just witnessed our friends spending the evening. I stated we needed to start doing this, too. Right away. We needed to watch TV together, cuddle up and enjoy the same things.

“OK,” my husband sighed. “What do you want to watch?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “What do you want to watch?”

“I had the hockey game on.”

I crinkled my nose. I told him I liked hockey, but I get bored watching it on TV. We finally agreed on a movie, a comedy we had both wanted to see.

“Get off the recliner and sit with me,” I directed.

He got up and sat on the sofa next to me. I clicked on the fireplace, and we pulled an afghan on top of us. Within five minutes, we were both whining and complaining.

“You are digging into my side.”

“My neck hurts sitting like this.”

“It’s too hot sitting so close.”

“I saw this movie already.”

“Let me check the score of the hockey game.”

I got up - exasperated. We were not having nearly as much fun as our friends were watching evening TV together. What the heck was wrong with us?

Then I had an epiphany. If individuals are unique, and couples are made of individuals, then aren’t couples also unique? What works for one may not work for another. While one couple prefers to recharge by nurturing their mutual interests, another might become rejuvenated catering to their personal pursuits. Neither one is better than the other. It is a matter of what works for each. Some couples do many of their household chores and errands together, while others divide and conquer. The main thing is there is a balance of couple time and personal time that is comfortable for everyone.

And then there is always compromise. Sharing a funny movie and reading between commercials work well!

It is always interesting to recognize how couples get along and note what makes their relationship tick, but it is even more important to appreciate what makes each relationship special and like no other - including your own.

Editor’s note: Denise Continenza is the family and consumer sciences educator with Penn State Extension, Lehigh and Northampton counties.