The holidays this time of year – Hanukkah, Christmas and New Year’s – with their emphasis on shopping, decorating and celebrating with family and friends can be difficult for those grieving the death of a loved one.

“Grief is a journey; a process of moving through strong emotions,” Jenny Barr, bereavement specialist with Stephens Funeral Home, Upper Macungie Township, explained. “It is the internal response to loss; the thoughts and feelings expressed.”

Barr said feeling grief is “universal” and the holidays can bring on feelings of sadness, loss and emptiness.

“Nobody’s grief is the same,” Barr said.

Holidays can be difficult for the person grieving because he or she may be unsure of their emotional stability, be left out of holiday gatherings or events and others might expect too much from them.

“Past holiday traditions may need to be re-evaluated and that is OK as long as the new tradition is comforting,” Barr said.

There is no right or wrong way to celebrate during the holidays after losing a family member or other loved one, according to griefnet.org.

The website offers the following suggestions on how to cope with grief during the holidays.

•Include the deceased in your conversations and celebrations. Once others realize you are comfortable talking about your loved one, they will relate stories, which will add to your pleasant memories.

•Do something for others by volunteering at a soup kitchen, visit the lonely or a shut-in or provide help for a needy family.

•Don’t be afraid to express your feelings and allow other people to comfort you.

In the Lehigh Valley, three churches will be offering a Blue Christmas Service Dec. 20 for anyone who has lost a loved one and will be alone this holiday season.

•St. Timothy Lutheran Church, 140 S. Ott St., Allentown, will have its service 3 p.m.

•Ziegels Union Church, 9990 Ziegels Church Road, Breinigsville, will have a soup luncheon 12:15 p.m. with the Blue Christmas service 1 p.m.

•Faith Evangelical Lutheran Church, 3355 MacArthur Road, Whitehall, will hold a “longest night” service 4 p.m.

If you know of someone who is grieving, allow them the space to grieve, but offer them support.

This holiday season if you are the one who has suffered a loss, remember:

•It is OK to cry.

•Don’t force yourself to celebrate if you are not feeling up to it.

•Take time to care for yourself physically, emotionally and mentally.

•Don’t forget the children in your life who are grieving, so try to make the holidays as joyous as possible for them; and

•Grief can be painful and difficult at any time of the year but the holiday season can be especially difficult for those who are coping with a recent loss as it can bring back memories of their loved one and the family traditions celebrated with that person.

Offer support and comfort to those who are grieving and provide a shoulder to cry on and a couple of extra hugs.

Susan Bryant

editorial assistant

Parkland Press

Northwestern Press