My friend is fed up.

Normally mild-mannered and easy-going, she says she feels like a doormat.

She claims she is being used and manipulated by another so-called friend of hers, a woman I have never met, fortunately.

After listening to my friend recite the demands imposed upon her by this overbearing woman, I said simply, "No one can walk all over you unless you lie down first."

My friend agrees, yet, because she is so nice, she seems to have difficulty setting limits and saying no to unreasonable orders.

Her demanding friend does not make humble requests for assistance; she just issues orders to everyone in her life.

And those people are dwindling quickly.

According to my friend, the woman's siblings and other family members no longer bother with her.

In addition, several other friends in their circle now make themselves scarce and keep their distance from the controlling woman.

No wonder. Not only does this person make constant demands for attention or favors, she shows no appreciation for the kindnesses she receives.

Instead, she makes negative comments about absolutely everyone.

"I wonder what she's saying about me," my friend mused.

True friendships are not built this way. To work, they have to be a two-way street.

We can't keep our friends by making their lives miserable. Selfish, self-centered behavior, with little concern for the happiness and well-being of others, will attract no one to us.

As we age, we need genuine friends in our lives. Social connections are important to our mental and physical health.

Research has shown that older individuals with the strongest network of close friends live longer than their peers.

Because isolation in old age is a health risk, we need to stay engaged with friends, family and our communities, be they places of worship or neighborhood or social organizations.

It is easy to see why my friend's toxic friend is driving people away. Who wants or needs to be around such negativity?

But what about us? Surely we have areas for improvement in our own personalities.

What would make us better in our role as a friend?

Could we, perhaps, be more fun to be around, more tolerant, more willing to bend, rather than expect to have our own way all the time?

Could we be less critical and negative? Could we offer praise and encouragement more often?

Maybe we need to be more open-minded and less judgmental. Are we too quick to argue or express our opinions, even when we're not asked for advice?

Do we show gratitude for the good deeds, however small, of others? Do we freely and cheerfully give as well as take?

Do we check in with our friends just to see how they are doing? We should not be calling only when we want something from them.

To be a good friend, we cannot take advantage of others. We cannot dominate the relationship (or the conversation) or try to exert control and power over our friends.

We have to be honest and trustworthy. We also have to be dependable.

Are we known among our friends for keeping our word and coming through in a crisis?

A string of broken promises can lead to a parade of disillusioned friends.

Like the Golden Rule, the formula for true, mature friendship is quite simple: To have good friends in our lives, we must learn to be a good friend.