Sometimes it is hard to practice what is preached. I am a strong advocate for family dinner where members peacefully share a meal, talk about their day and tell stories. There is no arguing, griping or disputing issues. Ahhh . . . . . .

Suffice it to say that at times, my home does not resemble a Norman Rockwell painting.

Most often, the evening commences with whoever is home gathering in the kitchen for dinner. The TV, hence, the evening news, is usually on and within view from the family room. After some talking about the highlights of everyone's day, our attention usually turns to the 5 p.m. news. Some issue, event or story flips a switch in us, and we all feel a pressing need to express our views.

And then the debating begins. My family has this way of bringing our diverse thoughts, opinions and experiences to the table (literally), creating a whirlwind of chatter. We eventually come to a conclusion that is digestible by all, but not until we have had a thorough "discussion." Imagine the tornado in The Wizard of Oz, cows and houses spinning out of control, and then settling in the calm after the storm.

Last night as we were preparing dinner, a news story caused us all to stop what we were doing. My husband, son and I were all horrified to hear that a baby died at his mother's hands. His incessant crying caused her to lose control, and the infant succumbed to injuries she inflicted on his tiny body. "Horrible," "disgusting," and "unforgivable" were some of the words that flew around the room. Then we started pontificating – each one of us – on why people abuse their children, why young women get pregnant, what should happen to people who kill their child and why frustrated parents don't simply ask for help.

My knee-jerk response to almost every issue is to look beyond the situation at hand to the causation of the problem – which usually ticks everyone else off. Then they call me names.

I was not condoning the mother's actions. Nor was I saying that, from the sound of her life story, her behavior was acceptable. There is no excuse for hurting a child – ever. But as I thought about the apparent circumstances leading to the mother's actions, I realized that this family had all the ingredients of an abusive situation. Research conducted by the Center for the Study of Social Policy (CSSP) has shown that factors, when present in families, keep children safe and strong.

The five protective factors for children and families are:

· Parental resilience – the ability of parents to get through tough times;

· Social connections – a network of people that parents can go to for help;

· Knowledge of parenting and child development – basic understanding of what children do at different ages and stages and what they need from parents

· Support in times of need – access to help for needed resources

· Social and emotional development of children

If these conditions are present in a family, there is a lesser chance that a child will be abused or neglected. I have a feeling that the mother in the news story had none of them.

My point was eventually well taken, and we all agreed that people who are not prepared for the job of parenting should not be having children. We also agreed that we need to do much more as a society to educate all parents about the demands of parenting, child development and increasing family stability through education and employment.

Once again, we took off from different places and landed at the same location.

Sometimes I shake my head and wonder how people who live in the same household and their offspring with the same genetic makeup can be so different. Other times I just shut my eyes, click my heels and mutter, "Oh, Toto, we're not in Kansas anymore!"