Experiencing grief when a loved one dies is natural. It is expected.

However, the grief should come from sadness and loss, not from the financial institutions and businesses the survivors have to deal with following the death of someone dear.

My siblings and I, mourning the unexpected passing of our mother recently, were "educated" quickly when we tried to settle her financial affairs.

My sister's attempts to redeem our mother's small life insurance policy (payable to this sister) initially were futile.

A call to the insurance company's corporate offices led my sister to believe the forms would be sent to her the following day.

When no such papers arrived, my sister called a week later. The forms were "in the mail," she was assured.

After another week passed, with still no paperwork, I suggested my sister find a local agent who sells that company's insurance. She located one, but had to wait almost a week for him to return her calls.

Finally she met with the agent and two weeks later had a check.

Lesson learned: deal locally.

I fared no better at my mother's bank.

Armed with a death certificate and my mother's will, naming me executrix of her estate, I visited the bank to start the process of closing her small checking account.

Without even glancing at my documents, a bank supervisor advised me to "go to the courthouse" and obtain a "short certificate."

Where in the courthouse should I go? And what is a short certificate?

A friend who had lost her father a few months earlier directed me to the Register of Wills office in the county courthouse. There I received another surprise. The clerk told me I did not need a short certificate.

Under Pennsylvania law (Title 20 Pa. C.S.A., Section 3101), if an account in a financial institution has under $10,000, the institution must release the funds to the deceased's spouse, adult child, parent or sibling (preference given in the order named).

The clerk gave me an "affidavit of relationship to decedent" to have notarized and told me to take it to the bank, along with a death certificate, a copy of the law, and a receipt for payment of the funeral bill.

Bank personnel, at least at my mom's bank, were unfamiliar with Pa. laws, even though this large national institution operates hundreds of branch offices throughout our state.

Eventually I was able to convince a bank vice president to look at the law, and the checking account was closed. At last I could access my mother's funds to pay her final bills.

Lesson learned: know the laws.

Paying my mother's bills created still more problems.

When I notified the electric company my mother's service should end the following week, after her apartment would be vacated, I was informed her electric service had to be terminated immediately, because she was deceased.

How could we empty her apartment and properly clean it without heat or lights? The customer service agent said I needed to open a new customer account in my name for those remaining few days we'd be working at the apartment.

Without success I explained I was not a new customer, since I have had electric service from this company for over 40 years. Two days later I received a thick packet in the mail, charging me a $140 new customer security deposit and requiring a notarized statement verifying my identity.

Fortunately an efficient, knowledgeable and congenial electric company supervisor was able to wade through the mess and waive the new customer charge and notary requirement.

Lesson learned: give no advance warning of service termination.

Other companies, although duly notified, apparently refuse to believe my mother has died and persist in sending her mail (or donation requests).

Thanks to the postal service, perhaps I will remain blissfully unaware of how much mail she continues to receive from organizations that were told she's deceased. For although I completed the appropriate "change of address" card and spoke directly to her mailman, I have yet to see one piece of my mother's mail forwarded to my home.

According to the landlady, my mom's mail continues to arrive at the apartment, now occupied by another tenant.

Lesson learned: maintain a sense of humor.

Missing a loved one who passed away is difficult enough.

At such a time, no one really needs all this additional grief.