"A&P has provided me with the world's smallest turkey ... "

– From the song "Christmas Wrapping" by the Waitresses

Those familiar with the song quoted above no doubt take away from it the romantic story of how the singer and a special guy run into each other at the supermarket Christmas Eve. Although the attraction was mutual, they had trouble connecting all year until Christmas magic brought them together.

That's nice. But, frankly, I'm more concerned about the small size of her turkey.

You see, I really do want the world's smallest turkey for Thanksgiving.

It's not because I will be alone but rather because I can't eat much at one time. I never leave a restaurant without taking at least half my meal home in a box for later. And I never leave hungry.

It's not that I have great willpower. I don't. I had gastric bypass surgery Dec. 31, 2012 in order to cure diabetes.

Although it is best known as a form of weight-loss or bariatric surgery, gastric bypass is also considered to be "metabolic surgery." For a host of complicated reasons, it changes the patient's metabolism to the point where diabetes is gone literally overnight.

I've been free of diabetes for nearly 11 months now. In the process I've lost between 70 and 75 pounds and am more or less at my ideal weight.

I say "more or less" because, according to my surgeon, Dr. Maher El Chaar of St. Luke's Bariatric Center, all means of measuring progress and determining one's true "ideal" weight are flawed.

Long story short, however, I am where I want to be. And my doctor is happy, too.

In a column published in The Press in January, I talked about the lifestyle changes required to make bariatric surgery work. The biggest change is the size of meals.

Right now, I am eating about 2/3 cup to a full cup of food at a meal. I wasn't able to find any information on the average volume of food consumed at a typical Thanksgiving dinner, but I guarantee you it's way more than one cup!

Most estimates put the number of calories consumed per person at Thanksgiving dinner at between 2,500 and 4,500. In contrast, the successful fully recovered bariatric patient will consume no more than 1,500 calories per day.

This brings me back to my desire to actually find the world's smallest turkey.

Anyone who has gone shopping for a turkeys for Thanksgiving dinner knows how big most of them are. You can get a smaller one that is just a breast but, to me, they taste like processed lunch meat, not real turkey.

I know half the fun of making a Thanksgiving turkey is the leftovers. Even with the world's smallest turkey, I would have leftovers. So, I wouldn't be sacrificing anything.

People often think that having bariatric surgery means giving up on enjoying food.

This is not the case at all, at least it has not been for me. I simply enjoy food in much smaller quantities than I did before. I can still have virtually anything, I just have to keep the quantities low.

My nutritional priority is to get enough protein but I also can have fruit, vegetables, starch and even dessert. The difference is now if, say, dessert is cookies, I have one cookie instead of two or three – or 10 – and I get to skip feeling guilty about it while I sit there and crave even more.

I am not missing out on anything. Even better, I no longer have diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol or sleep apnea.

If that means I have to make a turkey the size of a Cornish hen, it was well worth it.

Johanna S. Billings

editor

Whitehall-Coplay Press

Northampton Press

Catasauqua Press